Poland and Perfection

A life time of hope, hurt and love has brought me to this point. A point of reflection and sharing. A point of changing, turning and yearning. How life still surprises me. Honestly, I can't help but be shocked that I'm writing this all down; confessing my feelings, experiences and life to anyone who can read. However, recent events in my life has brought me to a state of, well anger and frustration. Things should be better. I want to try and change things that are wrong in the world.

If you've read this far, you're still interested and you're probably wondering what the hell is she talking about. Well, Poland Syndrome, ever heard of it? Honesty I can't blame you if you haven't. Know why? Because there is no special doctor for it and every doctor I've ever told about it, has to look it up in a dictionary. Is this a disease? No. Is it life threatening? No. Is it heartbreaking? It most certainly can be.

Poland's syndrome is a birth defect. A fairly slight one that effects a very small amount of people, most of them being males. So not only do I have a crazy rare birth defect, but I also have a birth defect that rarely effects females. Yay for me, I'm a rarity. So, what is it exactly? When I was still inside my mother's womb a part of my body failed to develop; although if you were to ever meet me in person you probably wouldn't notice. My right major and minor pectoral muscles failed to develop like normal. This left my body with a small dent where my right breast was supposed to be.

That's right. Ever heard of breast cancer? Women having to go through surgery and remove their breast or sometimes breasts. Well, I've only had one breast my entire life. I mean women who go through breast cancer and have to lose a breast, it's sad and this is in no way saying what they went through wasn't horrible and emotionally trialing. But all of the emotions that come with breast cancer; I experienced every day of my entire life.

Growing up being a little girl and knowing your different was one thing, but being treated like you were different was another. At some point you stop caring and start carrying a thick skin wherever you go. You might be able to tell yourself that peoples snide comments don't matter and you don't care what they think. But I did, I really did. I never truly became free of it all until I made peace with myself, but that did not happen until a very long time down the road.

We live in a society that sexualizes the female body for multiple reasons, some being just to sell a product. I feel pressure still, with everything around you telling you your body's not thin enough, your face isn't clear enough, you're breasts aren't big enough, you're outfits not skimpy enough, you're not having sex early enough. Imagine how this all is for a little girl, especially a girl with only one breast? Sometimes it makes me sick. I wonder sometimes how I survived it all. Then I remember it was because I was strong. Me.

I know that there are other's out there like me. I know that you've struggled and have spent time hiding like me. But I don't want to any more. I have never met a woman that I knew to have Poland Syndrome. I so wish I have. Perhaps this is another reason I'm writing this all down. I'm reaching out to a younger me to tell her everything's going to be alright. It took me a very long to come to that realization and I'm writing this to maybe, hopefully help you realize too.

You're Perfect just the way you are,
No one's as Special as you.